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My Singular Crappy Experience at Tap Room No. 307 – Just Another Crappy Bar

March 24, 2011

Editor’s note: While it’s not my normal operating procedure to write bad reviews, this bar deserves it.

People are generally smart.  Business owners are savvy.  It’s not that difficult to see that trends are popping up in this world.  And, by all means, if you want to jump on a bandwagon go ahead.  There’s nothing wrong with an explosion of Vietnamese sandwich shops because for the consumer it means there is variety and quality of products to choose from.

So,  I am not opposed to craft beer bars popping up all over the city.  In fact, for me, the average beer drinker, it means I get exposed to new beers from all around the country and world.  And, that my friends is freaking awesome.  But, I have one tiny request for those of you wanting to make a profit off of this trend.  Just do it fuc#$^# well.  Please.  What has me pissed off?  This one experience.  Read on.

The other day, via Thrillist, I had discovered a wonderful new place that looked exciting.  I was pleased to see that it was filling a void in the hood of Gramercy in terms of craft beer bars.  This was nice since at all times I like to know where the nearest bar is that’s serving something I want.  So, my friend and I decided to indulge on a Wednesday afternoon and check this place out.  Why not!?

I headed over there and the hostess was quite pleasant.  She gave me full choice and first dibs on a wide array of seating locations around the bar, particularly because the place has opened recently and they have not achieved their full equilibrium of patrons.  So, I grabbed a booth and waited for the friend.  I perused the menu and was quite impressed.  Those Brussel sprouts caught my attention.

Said friend arrived and we decided to order our first delicious brew from the 42 taps they touted.  Pretty Things St. Botolph’s town… an English brown ale.  Now, pay attention because this is where it all begins.

The waiter came back with a golden-yellow beer and said, we are out of St. Botolph’s town and the bartender said this beer is similar.  My first impression was to ask myself if yellow equals brown.  In my head it didn’t.  But hey, they are doing fantastic things with beers these days and maybe they’ve figured out to make a golden-yellow beer taste like a brown ale.  So I decided to take one for the team and I took one sip and tasted that classic Pilsener malt.

Funny.  I don’t recall many mainstream brown ale’s being golden-yellow.  Hence, I think brown ale’s should be brown.  And, when did they start using Pilsener malt in brown ale’s.  Hmm.  Hmm.  Hmm.  Pass?  The nice thing is the bartender said if it tastes like dirt (not that if we didn’t approve of the substitution) we could get a new beer.  So, in our heads we made it taste like dirt.

Now.  We asked for another beer.  While I can’t remember what it was at this point, they were out of it.  Fine, the place just opened they miscalculated inventory, moving on.  Stone Levitation.  This is a very, very dark ale.

The waiter comes back with a very light amber/golden looking beer.  Interesting, I thought.  I took one sip.  Lager.  Well.  Do they think we’re stupid here?  So, I decide to go to the bartender and ask him for my own amusement, “Is this a Stone Levitation because we ordered it and the waiter brought us this?”

He sighed, began to roll his eyes and d-baggingly responded, “I don’t know.  Just tell me what you want.”

Got the Levitation and went back to the table.

To give some credit to the restaurant, the poutine  and Brussel sprouts I had were fine.  But, that’s just me being nice.

Tap Room No. 307 owner.  If you want to open up a craft beer bar do it right.  Educate your  waiters/waitresses and bartenders in the products they serve.  Don’t try to disguise the fact that you’re just another horrible bar trying to disguise yourself with 42 taps of craft beers.

Oh, and the other best part is that if someone writes a review on Yelp that’s bad, don’t create an account and write a counter-review.  Duh.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. March 24, 2011 1:44 pm

    That sucks. I hate “beer bars” that take no time to become a beer bar. Bartenders that could care less if it was a Miller Lite, Victory Prima Pils or Budvar do not belong in beer bars (not to mention what happened in your case). I would write them off the list, and only return if I need to.

    • March 24, 2011 1:47 pm

      even funnier is that they have listed a “Beer School” segment on their webpage. Maybe the bartender should check it out

      • March 24, 2011 2:13 pm

        Haha. Yeah. I didn’t even noticed that. I’m hoping it was an outlier situation and may just give them one more chance, but seriously!?

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